Feeling Steady
by kak00094
Summary: One-Shot: My take on what may happen between a butler and his wife during s6 Christmas special. *Spoilers for s6*


**This is my take on what may happen during s6 Christmas Special due to some reports and trailers. I am so sad everything ends on Christmas night, but I am so excited to see what happend with our beloved butler and housekeeper. I have thoroughly enjoyed all the FANTASTIC fics and art that you people are creating! Thank you so much for reading this and I would appreciate a review if you can spare a moment. Happy Holidays!**

 **Again *Spoilers for s6***

* * *

"Let me do that for you, love."

Elsie Carson reached for her husband's buttons before he had a chance to do them himself.

"Elsie, you really don't have to," he assured her while submitting to her care.

His wife's lips pushed together as she focused on each button of his evening shirt. "I want to, darling. I want to make sure my husband is presentable at all times."

He sighed and checked his pocket watch. The family dinner was to begin in just over an hour. That gave him plenty of time to polish some of the silver he had neglected lately.

They returned to their cottage to change for the evening. Over the past few months as a married couple, they took this time to relax and prepare themselves for the busy evening to come. They changed on their own, often talking of pleasantries as well as what needed to be done to their house. They were so in tune, that each finished their routine at precisely the same time, he would open their door, and kiss her head as they began the journey back to the abbey.

Lately, Elsie seemed to be rushing to ready herself, finishing well before he was half dressed and insisted on helping him.

She finished his buttons as he repeatedly tapped his fingers against his thumb. She went to her dresser where his tie and evening cufflinks laid. She inserted each link and tied his tie around his neck, making sure it was straight. Charles was curious about this newfound attention, but brushed it off as he rather liked this new clingy Elsie.

He reached for his coat before she could offer to help him. Elsie turned away from him and glanced at her vanity mirror, pulling back a few loose hairs. She saw Charles come over her shoulder and adjust his coat and hair.

Charles smiled at the image of the two of them, their separate lives melding together so perfectly.

He moved to their bedroom door and opened it as she passed through. He caught her waist with his free hand and pulled her ever so gently towards him. He lend down to the side of her hair and lingered as he inhaled her soap and kissed her temple.

She paused, content to stay in the doorway for a moment. Her side pressed to his front as she felt his lips rest on her head. She looked down to his left hand which was still on the door handle. She placed her hand on top of his and brushed his knuckles with her thumb.

She felt the need to swallow hard as a lump began to form in her throat. "Here now," she said pulling away. "We better get a move on. They'll send out a search party soon."

He watched his fingertips brush her back as she lead the way downstairs.

* * *

"It's done Mr. Carson." Andy informed a very confused butler.

Mr. Carson stood in the middle of his pantry wondering where all the silver had gone that he put out to polish before dinner. Andy heard his bustling as he passed the open door.

"I finished them all this afternoon." Andy muttered with wide eyes, terrified at upsetting the butler.

"You what?" Mr. Carson bellowed, shocked as the footman rarely took on any extra chores without prompting.

Andy stepped further into the room. "I finished this afternoon. Mrs. Hughes said you were busy with other matters and asked me to take over." He held his breath, waiting for the butler's response.

Mr. Carson turned away from the footman. He shook his head and his left lip curled slightly. She certainly was acting peculiar. Maybe she wanted something from him? She hadn't mentioned anything in particular. Perhaps she wished to make a change to their new house? Had he finally caught her in one of her schemes? He knew she was a plotter, he just wondered what it was this time.

"Very well, Andrew. Carry on."

Mr. Carson was once again alone in his parlor. Without the silver to occupy him, he turned to the wine for that evening. It was perhaps a little too early to decant his choices, but it would keep him busy. His desk was always tidy with everything in it's place. Everything stayed where it had been for the last 30 years and would remain that way. It was because of this immaculate organization that the butler couldn't understand why the list of wine pairings was not in its place on the left of his desk. After a quick look around, the list was still nowhere to be found.

He walked out of his pantry. Perhaps he left it in the wine cellar earlier. He met Mr. Barrow in the hall and his peripheral vision caught his wine list in Mr. Barrow's right hand.

"Mr. Barrow," the butler stopped him. "What are you doing with that?"

When the under butler turned around, Mr. Carson saw he also carried a bottle of wine he chose for that evening. "I am going to decanter the last of tonight's wine, Mr. Carson."

The butler furrowed his eyebrows. "And you took it upon yourself to see to it?" He was surprised at Mr. Barrow's initiative.

The under butler smiled and looked down. "No, Mr. Carson. It was Mrs. Hughes who suggested it."

Once again, it came back to her. She must have something big up her sleeve. He drew his lips together before addressing the under butler. "Carry on Mr. Barrow. And in the future, I would appreciate if you took your orders directly from me."

Mr. Barrow blinked and backed away, not wanting to become any more involved in a disagreement between the heads of downstairs.

Mrs. Hughes heard Mr. Carson's declaration to Thomas as she was descending the stairs. She stopped before either noticed her and silently turned back up the stairs.

Mr. Mosley had the night off due to his teaching schedule, so it was only Mr. Barrow, Andy, and Mr. Carson serving Lady Mary, Mr. Tolbert, and Mr. Branson. Mr. Carson tried to find his wife before it was time to announce dinner, but she was evasive. He was determined to get to the bottom of it. It was one thing to innocently guide him to her ways, but ordering around his footman was beyond acceptable. She had done some plotting in her time, but never to this extreme.

Those thoughts carried him into dinner. Mr. Barrow served the first course and the family talked comfortably about their afternoon with the children. Mr. Tolbert was growing closer to little George and that pleased Mary very much.

Mr. Carson removed the stopper of the wine for their first course. He felt a tingle run through his hand as he gripped the neck. It had happened before, but he brushed it off. The sensation usually only lasted a moment. The tingling continued as he carried the decanter to serve Lady Mary first. He used all his power to will the sensation to stop. He was now directly over Lady Mary's shoulder and he noticed his hand was shaking, ever so slightly, but it caused waves to slosh inside the decanter. His breathing intensified and he brought his other hand to his wrist, attempting to hold it firm.

That stopped it for a moment. He continued to try and steady his breath and steady his hand. He saw Mr. Branson's concerned look from across the table. He immediately let go of his wrist and poured the wine like he had thousands of times before. He didn't spill, but it was certainly not a smooth as usual. As he lifted the decanter back up, a muscle twitched and the decanter hit the side of the glass. A light ping rang through the room. All eyes went to the butler.

"Carson, what's the matter?" Lady Mary was a loyal supporter of him. She noticed his unusually flush appearance and knew something was wrong.

Carson looked between all the eyes fixed on him. There was no use in pretending. "I'm afraid, Milady, that I'm a bit unsteady tonight." He drew his focus to his hands which were not shaking, but still tingled. He was getting frustrated with himself. "I must ask you to excuse me, Milady. Andrew could you take over serving the wine."

"Yes, Mr. Carson. Can I get you a chair?" The young footman had never seen the butler looking so lost. He tried to take his arm for support but the butler brushed him off.

"No, thank you Andrew. Let me be."

"Carson wait!" Lady Mary stood and called him back. With that, the other two gentleman stood as well. "I can't remember you ever leaving in the middle of a dinner unless it was serious. Shall I call Dr. Clarkson?"

Mr. Carson's frustrations at himself and his revolting body grew. "No thank you, Milady. I am sure I simply need a rest."

And with that, he walked behind the screen.

Mr. Barrow heard the whole ordeal from the servery where he was preparing the second course. Instead of continuing his duties, he rushed to the kitchen where he hoped to find Mrs. Hughes.

"What is it Mr. Barrow? Why are you flying down here like Peter Pan in the middle of dinner service?" Mrs. Patmore was the first to see Thomas.

"It's Mr. Carson. He's not at all well." The cook sucked in a breath, her concern evident on her face. "Where's Mrs. Hughes?"

"Did I hear my name or did someone step on my grave?" Mrs. Hughes entered the kitchen. Her jovial remark falling flat when she saw the concerned faces.

Mr. Barrow answered. "It's Mr. Carson. He took a turn and walked out of dinner service."

There was no color left in her face when he finished. She felt lightheaded and thought she may fall over. That was short lived as she jumped into action, running towards the stairs. She didn't have far to run as Mr. Carson had just reached the bottom step.

He raised his eyes from his hands to see seven worried faces all staring at him. Other servants heard the commotion and added their concern.

Mr. Carson, who did not appreciate all the attention, snapped at them. "Mr. Barrow, I am not sure what you said to cause such a hoopla, but I am perfectly alright."

Mrs. Patmore was the first to speak up. "What's the matter, Mr. Carson?"

He sighed and tapped his fingers against his thumb again. "I am perfectly fine. I took a turn and found that my hands are not cooperating." He waved it off like it was no big deal.

"Does it hurt?" a curious Daisy asked

"We should call the doctor." Miss Baxter interjected

Mr. Bates agreed, "I'll phone him now." He turned towards the butler's pantry.

"I must go up and act as butler tonight." Mr. Barrow turned to head back up the stairs.

The sudden commotion on his behalf and the seeming relentless tingling in his hands sent him over the edge. "STOP! Everyone, stop this instant!" Mr. Carson's bellow stopped everyone in their tracks. "First of all, I am perfectly capable of performing my duties as butler, Mr. Barrow," he assured defensively. "You will continue to act as under butler and take over dinner service while I have a rest this evening." There were stunned faces staring back at their flustered leader. "I will not call the doctor as I am perfectly fine and I will call myself if I have the need." He clenched his fists and his face turned red and flushed. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself and my duties as butler.

"Just because my hands are unsteady tonight does not mean I need someone to take over my job, or polish the silver for me, or decant the wine, or..." His eyes widened and he lifted his head. The anger in his voice turned to understanding. "Or button my shirt, insert my cufflinks, tie my tie..."

His words cut off as he found his wife standing towards the edge of the group, biting her lip, clenching her own hands, and staring at him with misty eyes. She turned her gaze to the floor when she saw realization come upon him.

It hit him like lightning. She knew. Of course she picked up on it. She knows everything about him. She has known for how long? She tried to spare him the realization, the humiliation.

He let out a deep sigh and his voice went up an octave. "Oh, Elsie." Her eyes scrunched shut and she turned away from the crowd. He rushed around her and wrapped her in his arms. Her hands that were previously covering her face latched onto his jacket. He held her fast, her head nestled aside his cheek.

He wasn't sure why his eyes were moist. Fear of their future? What this could escalate to? How sorry he was for thinking poorly of her earlier?

He tried to pull her back so he could see her face, but she held him by his lapels, hiding her face. He knew she was crying, could tell from the wet spot he felt against his chest.

He spoke to the crowd around them. "Back to work everyone."

They reluctantly tore their eyes from the pair and Mrs. Patmore made sure they left the couple be.

With the hall clear, he tried again to pull her away. "Elsie, love, look at me please." She only tightened her grip. He made a decision. "Let's go home, love."

He drew her waist to his side so they both moved forward. She kept her face hidden in his chest as much as possible. He guided her with a hand to her waist and held her cheek against him with the other. He stopped in her sitting room to grab her coat and wrapped it around her shoulders. He didn't need to take the time to retrieve his.

They walked in silence, except for her occasional sniffle and his light 'sh' sound.

The walk gave him time to process everything. He saw retirement on the horizon and it did not frighten him as it once did. He had hoped to have a few more butlering years in him, but that may not be the case. And he was okay with that.

He unlocked their door and lead her inside. He pulled her tight once again as she ran out of tears to cry. She reached into his pocket and pulled out his handkerchief. She dried her face before he took it back from her and finished the job.

He was finally able to see her eyes and now he needed answers. "How long have you known?" he asked, his voice soothing.

"Almost a month," she replied sniffing once more. She gave that a moment to sink in before continuing. "Your handwriting was the first thing I noticed."

He looked at her confused.

She enlightened him. "It was only slightly different, but I've known it like my own for over 30 years that..."

"Of course you noticed," he finished looking to the ceiling.

She lowered her head and talked into his chest. "And then I noticed your fingers tapping and I just thought..." She paused. "I didn't want... you..."

He brought his hands to her upper arms and waited.

She spoke slowly trying to put her thoughts straight. "You're such a proud man, Charles. I didn't want you to feel dispirited if you were unable to fulfill your duties as a butler. I know how much your position and the family mean to you." She stepped back from him and ran her hands down his arms until they gripped his fingers. "I can't bear to see you upset."

He looked down at her fingers interlaced with his own. He wasn't sure what to feel. The majority of his life was spent using his hands for others needs. He saw himself continuing to do so until death knocked on his door, that is until recently.

He took a pause. "I think we should see Dr. Clarkson in the morning. Perhaps there is something he can suggest." She nodded her head.

Charles watched as she slowly raised each of his hands to her lips. She placed loving kisses over each of his betraying fingers.

"And if he cannot do anything and I cannot perform my duties, then we will have a significant decision to make."

She nodded her head again and wrapped her arms around his hands, pulling them to her chest.

He continued. "We have our house on Brouncker Road that will keep me occupied."

"Us occupied," Elsie forcefully interrupted. "You're not leaving without me."

He breathed a sigh of relief and lent his lips on her forehead. "Thank God. I didn't want to assume..." He left his comment hang in the air.

"I'm afraid," she whispered.

"Of what?" he asked in her same low voice.

He almost didn't hear her confession. "Of disappointing you, of not being able to fill the hole in your heart that Downton will leave."

Could she honestly not see how much she meant to him? "Elsie, Downton will always hold a special place in my heart, but that place diminished significantly when you became my wife.

"Your place in my heart has grown with each passing day and it will only continue to do so. Downton is no longer my life. My darling, you are my whole world and with you beside me I can face anything."

She tucked her chin to her chest before responding. "And you must know that I will always be beside you to support and to..."

"To keep me steady," he finished for her.

She smiled and gripped his hands tighter. "Yes, you can always hold my hand if you need to feel steady."

He grinned and pulled her hands around his sides so she was pressed against him. When his lips found hers, his fingers found purchase behind her neck, his thumbs stroked her cheek, and his hands found a new purpose.


End file.
